


restless nights, blooming days

by littleheavens



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, I think?, M/M, Mutual Pining, because do i ever write anything else... apparently not!, minimal angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-11 11:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16474397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleheavens/pseuds/littleheavens
Summary: Kissing your best friend isn't supposed to mean anything at all, right?





	restless nights, blooming days

**Author's Note:**

> happy woojin month!
> 
> this really still needs a lot of editing, god damn it.

 

Park Woojin wouldn’t describe himself as lonely.

 

He has friends, good friends, best friends. He has a nice family with two good parents and a sister that he really loves and who really love him.

 

Woojin is confident in who he is. A little awkward, really driven, a chaotic mess.

 

He’s outgoing, yet he's also painfully shy.

 

He’s just Park Woojin.

 

And today, Park Woojin is having a bad day.

 

A bad, bad, _horrible_ day.

 

But it’s also a build-up. A stepping stone. The first step to what Woojin supposes could be some kind of closure. When he looks back at it much later, this is probably the moment where it all changed for him.

 

But still, _a bad, bad, horrible day_.

 

He’d overslept, a common occurrence which usually isn’t the worst part of his day, but he’d slept through a very important test and he’s pretty sure his mother will kill him for it once she finds out. To make matters even worse, he’d forgotten lunch _and_ his wallet at home, so he had to shamefully beg his friends for a bite of theirs. Jinyoung laughs at him, but Guanlin is nice enough to share half a sandwich with him.

 

And yet. Yet, it’s not the worst part of this day. _The Worst Part_ is, undoubtedly, when none other than Lee Daehwi himself slides up next to him on the bench where he’s waiting for dance practice to start with a sly grin on his face.

 

“Hey,” he says sweetly, nudging Woojin out of his thoughts, and the older boy senses that this is _trouble_.

 

Woojin looks at him and squints. “Hello?” he responds, warily. “What is it?”

 

“Sooooo… Samuel told me that Seonho told Hyungseob who told Yiren who told Hyejoo that Jiwoo has a crush on you,” Daehwi teases, raising an eyebrow.

 

Oh, he knows where this is going. “Jiwoo is very much gay and very much pining after Jungeun from our physics class. Nice try, though.” He crosses his arms, smirking triumphantly at the younger boy. Checkmate.

 

Daehwi just rolls his eyes in response. “ _Fine_ . You got me, but,” he takes a deep breath and Woojin has heard this a thousand times, so he knows where this conversation is heading, but lets him do his thing nonetheless. “Don’t you think it’s time to like… eh… start dating, hyung?” he says, smiling sweetly.

 

“You know I have no interest in you _or_ your, quote unquote, incredible matchmaking skills, Lee Daehwi,” Woojin scoffs, getting up when he sees Yena arriving with Hyungseob trailing behind her. “I gotta go now.”

 

Daehwi means well, Woojin knows. But as much as his mischievous best friend wants to help him, he is just… well… not interested.

 

The younger boy is a self-declared matchmaker, a _master_ at getting people together or setting his friends up together. Woojin supposes there’s truth in it, considering he’s gotten Yoojung to confess to Doyeon literally _last week,_ among others, but he has no interest in Daehwi trying to set him up with someone. Daehwi knows this, knows Woojin loves rolling his eyes at the younger’s antics and usually just lets it pass, but here he is. Still.

 

And honestly, he’s not sure why Daehwi has been very, _very_ adamant on trying to help Woojin out with his love life.

 

But here he is, trying and trying. Multiple times up until now, even. And Woojin? Woojin refuses. Completely.

 

Except this time, before Woojin gets the chance to bid the younger goodbye and walk off, the blonde reaches for his arm. “You know I’m doing this because I care about you, right? I’m not saying I’m worried, but you really do look lonely sometimes. And next year you’re off to college and, my God, Woojin, you haven’t even had your first kiss yet!”

 

It’s honestly impressive how Daehwi managed to say all of that in what seems like a single breath. But Woojin just rolls his eyes, ignores the remark, shrugs him off. “Listen, I don’t need all of that, okay? _Please_ drop it.”

 

A flash of _something_ flashes through Daehwi’s eyes, and Woojin belatedly realises something in his voice must have given away that the remark _did_ kind of get to him this time. But Park Woojin wouldn’t be Park Woojin if he doesn’t put his walls up, shoves the thought to the back of his mind.

 

“I’ll see you around, Hwi,” Woojin says instead. And Daehwi just nods, still giving him that wary, bordering-on-concerned look. It only disappears when Woojin smiles at him reassuringly. 

 

"What was that all about?" Yena says when she reaches him. Hyungseob fiddles with the keys as he goes to unlock the room.

 

Woojin shrugs it off. "Nothing, nothing."

 

But he has to admit, no matter how much he doesn't like it, that something in his heart was touched. He’s never particularly cared about romance, never particularly given extra attention to potential love interests. He’s busy with school and dancing and other things boys his age tend to be busy with that isn’t potential girlfriends — or in Woojin’s case, girlfriends _or_ boyfriends.

 

He doesn’t know why he’s still thinking about it all the way through dance practice, through his walk home, through a quick dinner and up until he’s in bed later that night. Park Woojin doesn’t _get_ lonely, alright? He's surrounded by people he truly and really cares about, who give him enough comfort and happiness. So, he doesn’t know why it stings. Or why now.

 

He doesn’t know why he falls asleep wishing he maybe _did_ have someone to put his arms around.

 

*

 

The weekend passes and Woojin is somehow _still_ thinking about it.

 

“What’s up with you?”

 

That’s Park Jihoon sneaking up on him. Woojin doesn’t really know what to call their dynamic, except _complicated_. Best friends, _frenemies_ , and perhaps the reason Woojin has been so apprehensive to letting Daehwi set him up with someone. Not that anyone needs to know about that last part.

 

He doesn’t know when it started, but he’s long since accepted he’s been pining after his best friend just a little. Whatever _that_ means.

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“You’ve been awfully quiet today, very un-Woojin of you.”

 

Woojin thinks about it for a second. He doesn’t want Jihoon to laugh at him for being painfully single and finally letting it get to him — because he knows that’s what it looks like. It’s what it partially is, as well, but the strange feeling of fear of _loneliness_ that crept up on him over the weekend is way worse.

 

He decides to shrug it off for now and goes to practice. Jihoon is still prying when they meet up to walk home from school later in the evening, though, and that’s when he decides he might as well try to get it off of his chest. 

 

It might be the night air. It might be the stars. 

 

It might be the overwhelming urge to just get it off of his chest.

 

“It’s Daehwi,” Woojin starts as they’re walking side by side, each of them wearing one earpiece as Jihoon’s playlist fill up the silence between them in the background.

 

His best friend looks up at him from where he’s been scrolling through his phone. How he's managed to not trip and fall yet is a miracle. “Daehwi?”

 

He nods. “Yeah. Um… you know how he always wants to like… set me up with someone?”

 

Jihoon scrunches his nose. He’s been at the receiving end of Woojin’s complaining about this more than enough times, on top of Daehwi lowkey trying to make Jihoon his next target as well. “Sure?”

 

“You know I usually don’t care, but he said something…. _stupid_. It _was_ stupid, really. He said something stupid the other day and I don’t know why it got to me.” He says it in one breath, because embarrassment creeps up on him with every word he utters. "But it did."

 

Jihoon is silent for a second, but Woojin has nothing more to offer. And then he says, “Is this about the kiss comment?”

 

Taken aback, Woojin stops walking and looks at him. He feels exposed somehow, even though this is literally what he wanted to talk about. “I— uh… _well_.” He must be beet red by now, and if this had been anyone else he would have sprinted away by now.

 

Before Woojin can even begin to question it, Jihoon supplies him with an answer. “So it _did_ get to you, huh,” he muses, before looking at his friend. “Daehwi told Guanlin he was scared he’d overstepped and Guanlin asked me to, you know, keep an eye on you.”

 

“Please don't tell Daehwi,” is all Woojin can respond with, and he hopes it doesn’t come out as desperate as his mind made it out to be.

 

The other boy smiles at him— a soft curl of lips he reserves for moments of sincerity. “Don’t worry, Wooj. Not about Daehwi and not about the kissing thing either. If it happens, it happens.”

 

“You haven’t even had your first kiss either,” Woojin grumbles back at him, but he appreciates the support. Something starts blooming in his chest.

 

“Of course not. But I know it’ll come when the timing is right.” He pauses, then, and takes Woojin’s hand into his own. Woojin wonders if Jihoon has any idea of what he does to him and his totally extremely completely platonic feelings. “And hey, if it doesn’t come, didn’t we say we’d get married if we’re both still single when we’re thirty?”

 

Woojin barks out a laugh, but his heart feels warm.

 

And if Jihoon feels his hand being squeezed a little too tightly for a moment too long, he doesn’t mention it.

 

 

* * *

 

This isn’t like him.

 

Not like _them_.

 

And yet, Jihoon can’t stop thinking about it, for some reason. It really isn't because of what Daehwi said. It’s not because of what Woojin said, either. Not really. But it is how it started nonetheless, he supposed.

 

It’s been a whilesince the topic came up between them, and Jihoon hates himself for still thinking about it from time to time. He doesn’t even know _why_ or how it started— but ever since the thought of kissing Woojin entered his thoughts, it hasn’t left. It’s not a constant, no. But sometimes Woojin will stand in the sunlight filtering through the trees and Jihoon thinks of holding him tightly in a way that isn’t really like how _best bros_ do it. Sometimes, Woojin will fall asleep on his shoulder when he’s really tired and Jihoon stares a little too long at his parted lips.

 

But he lets it pass, represses it, nothing else he can do about it.

 

At least, until Woojin brings it up himself.

 

They’ve been lounging on Jihoon’s bed the entire evening and it’s an odd lull of laziness making fatigue settle in their bones. Graduation has been getting closer, time passing too quickly for both of them, and there’s some sort of general nervousness during school days that leaves them both exhausted by the time the sun sets. So, needless to say that it’s been a long day. But it’s Friday and the sun is filtering in through the windows. It’s warm, it’s comfortable, it’s nice.

 

Woojin shifts, and Jihoon somehow becomes hyper aware of how close they are together. He radiates warmth, almost, and Jihoon wants to bathe in it forever. On the bedside table, Woojin’s phone is set on the highest volume, the music of one of his playlists filling the silence between them.

 

“Daehwi,” Woojin says, slurring his words a little, “ _Lee Daehwi_.”

 

He sounds tired, Jihoon can tell. “What about him?”

 

A hum, then a beat of silence. “‘S an asshole.” It doesn’t sound genuine, and both of them know it’s not. They adore Daehwi like a little brother, even if he loves tormenting their lives a little too much, sometimes.

 

Jihoon huffs out a laugh at that. “What did he do?”

 

“Came to boast about how he’s finally gotten Jiwoo to ask out Jungeun. She said yes, by the way. Their first date is tomorrow.”

 

He knows Woojin is happy for their friends, truly. What kind of asshole wouldn't be? And even then, Woojin is just too nice like that. He guesses it might still sting a little, though.

 

“Ah,” Jihoon nods to himself, “another attempt to convince you?”

 

In the corner of his eye, he notices Woojin’s hand twitch briefly. Then, he rolls over so he’s leaning sideways, looking down at Jihoon. Their eyes meet, and there’s a sparkle of _something_ there.

 

“No, actually. He hasn’t done that ever since… you know.” He sounds a bit more awake now, as if he was waiting for Jihoon to take some kind of bait, _anticipating_. “But it always reminds me of what he said a few months ago.”

 

He must think Jihoon is going to make fun of him, because the next thing he does is hurriedly add, “I’m not hurt by it, though. But… it did get me thinking.”

 

Jihoon says nothing— he just nods and urges his best friend to continue.

 

“D’you think I’m lonely?”

 

A pause. Silence suddenly a little thick, a little heavier. “Huh?”

 

The younger boy shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s been something on my mind, I guess. It’s not about love, really, just…” He breathes, lowers his voice. He waves his hand a little, as if he’d be able to grab the right words right out of the air. “The future.”

 

Jihoon nods. “I understand... I think. But Woojin, you all got this from a comment about… a kiss?”

 

“Of course not, asshole,” Woojin groans, rolling over and nearly toppling off of the bed. “No, Daehwi said I looked lonely sometimes. I don’t think I am, but it’s scary to think I might be? I’m not _that_ good at making friends and stuff, you know.”

 

There’s a lot of things Jihoon could say to that. He could brush it off a little, say that it’s not that bad, that he’s going to be fine. He could say to not be afraid. He could laugh and push Woojin off the bed and tell him to get it together, and they’d bicker and tussle and throw meaningless insults at each other until the conversation has been long forgotten.

 

Instead, with a voice full of honesty, he says, “I know. But I believe in you. And besides, you’ll always have me, right? We can do this together.”

 

The other boy turns again, eyes meeting Jihoon’s. He’s frowning, as if he’s not sure whether or not he should continue this heart to heart or take the open invitation to scowl at his best friend and change the atmosphere around them to something less heavy, to something more playful.

 

“You kind of suck,” Woojin says earnestly, and _bingo._ His voice, though, tells them both that it’s code for _Thank You_. “But you’re right.”

 

“Of course I’m right!” Jihoon says.

 

“For once in your life.” Woojin laughs when Jihoon growls and launches himself at him. So, they’re going to playfight this out, after all. As expected.

 

They nearly avoid toppling off of the bed as the younger fists his shirt, rolling them both over before starting to tickle him.

 

Jihoon cackles. “That won’t work on me, Park Woojin!” He tries to escape Woojin’s grabby hands despite the other boy’s strength.

 

They roll around, switching positions and trying to tickle each other, tug each other’s hair. He doesn’t know how long it takes before they both tire out, and Jihoon triumphantly ends up caging Woojin down with his thighs.

 

He leans forward, placing both hands on each side of Woojin’s head as the other looks at him with a dazed look. “Feel better, jackass?”

 

Woojin gives him a breathy laugh in return. A little _too_ dazed, a little too disheveled, too far gone. “Yeah. Much better.”

 

Their eyes meet, and something in the air _sparks_. Like a bolt of lightning crashing upon them. Woojin tentatively reaches out for Jihoon’s face, wiping his tousled hair out of his eyes. “Jihoon?”

 

“Hm?” The other boy hears himself saying. He doesn’t notice how his breathing hitches, too focused on Woojin.

 

Woojin clears his throat, and it stirs something in Jihoon. Suddenly realising how terribly close they are, he jolts up and rolls off of him. When he lays back down next to his best friend, he has an odd look in his eyes. Like there’s something he wants to say.

 

Jihoon absentmindedly wonders whether Woojin will take the plunge and just spit it out.

 

After a few moments, that’s exactly what he does, and Jihoon feels the metaphorical ceiling of the sky collapse on his lungs. “Can I kiss you?”

 

“Wha—”

 

“I just mean. Can we just get it over with?”

 

That doesn’t make it any better.

 

“Uh,” Jihoon breathes. He avoids looking at Woojin for a minute, suddenly finding interest in the patterns on his ceiling. When his eyes flick over inevitably, Woojin is still looking at him with _those_ eyes.

 

Jihoon understands where he's coming from. And yet—

 

He sits up, looks at the younger, takes a deep breath. “Do you really?”

 

Woojin shrugs. “Listen, I don’t know.” He sighs, runs a hand through his hair, licks his lips. Peak Park Woojin nervousness. “I’m just thinking maybe if I ever fall in love I don’t want it to be awkward? I know you said you'd wait until the timing is right, and I agree. But will it ever be?"

 

Something kicks Jihoon in the stomach — a strange feeling of _longing_ that he wisely decides to ignore — and it kind of scares him. He swallows down his anxiety. “I don't know.”

 

It’s unclear where to go next from here, even though the logical follow-up hangs clearly in the air between them. Their friendship has always been actions as opposed to words, and they don’t need to _say_ it to know it.

 

But still, Woojin looks at him and licks his lips before asking, “So, you, uh… you wanna?”

 

 _Yes_. Why not? But also, "Won't you regret this?"

 

Across from him, his best friend stills. His  _best_ friend. "Never. Not when it's with you."

 

Jihoon just nods, ignores how his heart is trying very hard to not leap out of his chest. "If you're sure, then I'm sure."

 

At that Woojin sits up at lightning speed, moving closer to the older until there is almost no space left between them.

 

“Just to get this over with.”

 

“Just to get this over with,” he echoes.

 

He feels his heart beat in his throat, and it makes it ten times harder to breathe than it usually is around Woojin. It’s not like they’ve never been this close — they can both get clingy when it comes to each other, even if they’d never admit this. It feels, well, oddly intimate, though.

 

The younger leans forward, puts his hands on Jihoon’s cheeks, starts to lean in.

 

Jihoon waits, eyes pressed closed and lips puckered. He only opens them again when nothing comes except for a giggle and Woojin’s breath fanning against his lips.

 

“Are you nervous?” Woojin grins at him suddenly when Jihoon opens his eyes again. The older sputters at that, leaning back and pulling away. Before he can completely slip away, though, Woojin grabs him by his hands, entwines their fingers, pulls him back. His eyes are soft, mellow.

 

This is what they do, what they’ve always done — push and pull, in each situation. This is Woojin’s way of _reassurance_ , of breaking the tension.

 

He looks at Jihoon, who feels and probably _looks_ red. “Wait… _are_ you?”

 

“I’m not,” Jihoon scoffs. It’s only a tiny lie. He’s not nervous about kissing — kissing _Woojin_ — but he’s nervous about everything that might come after it.

 

Woojin nods, pulling him even closer so their faces are right across from each other. “That’s good. It’s okay to be, you know." Then, he sighs before continuing, voice a little softer. "Honestly I’m kind of nervous.”

 

Admitting it is defeat, Woojin would usually say, so this time Jihoon blinks at him. The other just shrugs. “Not everyone gets to have their first kiss with their handsome best friend, you know. Gotta cherish this moment.”

 

This time Jihoon does laugh, and it’s like the tension in his shoulders completely disappears. “Could say the same for you.” And he means it. Woojin _is_ handsome. As an afterthought, Jihoon thinks about how he’s nice and caring in his own special Woojin-esque way as well. Anyone he ends up with later is probably the luckiest person in the world.

 

“Right,” Woojin says, a hint of a smile still on his lips. “So?”

 

Jihoon just looks at him and holds his breath as Woojin leans in closer again. He can feel the other’s breath on his lips, feels his warmth.

 

He smells good — like apples and spring and _home_.

 

Woojin takes the silence as a green light. “Alright,” he says, and puts his hand under Jihoon’s chin, bringing him closer. “I am going to kiss you now.”

 

It’s… electric. It’s electric when Woojin’s lips find his. It’s electric even though the kiss only lasts for a second.

 

It’s electric when Woojin pulls back, looks at him like _that_ , and meets Jihoon halfway again.

 

He doesn’t know how long they kiss for — but both of them know it must be longer than a mere ‘ _kissing my bro to get it over with_ ’ kind of way.

 

Neither of them say anything about it, though. And they’re not planning to. At least, Jihoon isn’t. Not when Woojin groans and scoots even closer, before cautiously swiping his tongue against Jihoon’s mouth until he opens up for him.

 

It’s danger and it’s fire and it’s new territory but somehow it’s _them._ Jihoon vaguely feels himself wrap his arms around Woojin, pushed at him until they’re lying down side by side and comfortable.

 

Time fades into nothingness and Jihoon has no idea how long they kiss for, only that by the time they pull away one final time they’re both breathless and panting.

 

“Thanks,” Woojin says, sounding a little tired and a little light headed, and Jihoon would laugh if he wasn't literally feeling _dizzy_.

 

“Yeah.”

 

And if Jihoon decides on being selfish and pecks his lips once more before he lets Woojin wrap him in his arms, no one mentions it.

 

So, they kiss. And truthfully, that should have been it.

 

A fatigue, boredom induced decision but at least they’d gotten it over with.

 

Right?

 

But of course, that’s not what happens.

 

Because Jihoon wakes up next to Woojin the next morning after they had fallen asleep together, like a thousand times before, and he looks at him for a long, long moment as the realisation slowly comes to him, and _fuck_.

 

He just lays there as he slowly comes to terms with the fact Woojin might _not_ be Just A Friend and that, oh man, he really wants to kiss him again.

 

Well, _shit_. He really is fucked.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Epiphanies don’t do well in Woojin’s book. So, whatever he is going through is _not_ an epiphany.

 

Perhaps it really isn’t. Rather, it might be a quiet realisation. A silent confirmation of something he already knew deep down.

 

He'd known that he'd been pining. He just didn't expect it to be like  _this_. 

 

So it’s not an epiphany. And even if it was, it isn’t a big deal.

 

It’s what he keeps telling himself, _has to_ keep telling himself. Like a mantra. Kissing his best friend didn’t change anything between them, and this is not an epiphany. Nope, not in the slightest.

 

And it’s true — it didn’t really change anything, at least nothing visible. Nothing Daehwi or Jinyoung or Guanlin or even Jihoon or anyone else can find out about, at least. Hopefully.

 

No, the hammering in his chest is for his own ears and mind only. The way he has to control his breathing when Jihoon looks at him like _that_ is a secret he’ll keep safely locked away from the outside world.

 

But just because it’s hidden away only for him, doesn’t mean it’s not _there_.

 

He didn’t realise it at first, and perhaps, he wonders, this is how it’s always been. But it only occurs to him after their meaningless, _meaningless_ kiss that, oh shit, did his heart always skip a beat when Jihoon leans in too closely? Was it ever this bad?

 

It’s not a crush. It’s not love. Far from it. Woojin ab-so-lute-ly _refuses_ that it could be. Things like this aren’t even close to the top of his list of priorities. It’s dance and friends and school and family (in no particular order, mind you). But love? Crushes? Not at all.

 

But now, though. Now he starts to think maybe it wasn’t on his list because it was too entwined with the _friends_ aspect of it all. Jihoon _is_ his best friend after all.

 

He doesn’t even want to _think_ of it like that. He doesn’t even want to _acknowledge_ the butterflies in his stomach when he thinks of Jihoon. He wonders if they’ve always been there, or if they came the moment their lips met for the first time. He doesn’t want to wonder, doesn’t want to think about it, but he does.

 

And later, when a few nights have passed and he’s tossing and turning in his bed, he wonders whether or not he adamantly refused Daehwi’s offers because his heart was already taken.

 

It’s unsure, unclear. A fog, a haze in his mind that’s just now slowly clearing up. And through it all, despite it all, there is one thing he does know, and it’s that he kind of really wants to kiss Jihoon again.

 

Woojin isn’t sure what that means.

 

And yet, he doesn't regret it.

 

However, he doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t ask Jihoon about their kiss, doesn’t even _think_ about bringing it up. They haven’t talked about it, why start now? It must have truly meant nothing. Just to get it over with, right?

 

But as weeks pass it quickly becomes clear he should say _something_. Maybe not to Jihoon, but literally anyone else will do at this point. Truly.

 

He lets it pass.

 

He wrestles with Jihoon as usual, plays games with him as usual, lets Jihoon walk him home after a particularly late dance practice the other had no reason to wait up for at all as usual.

 

It’s a Friday again, weeks and weeks later, when Woojin gets called in for an extra dance practice. He texts Jihoon the sad news, having to cancel their planned PUBG gaming session the last minute. Jihoon doesn’t immediately reply, but Woojin pockets his phone nonetheless and hopes his best friend sees it before he starts worrying.

 

He loves dancing, truly. And maybe, this is what he needs. Maybe the universe is giving him a flicker of solace and of distraction — because every time Jihoon is around Woojin stops breathing.

 

Hours pass, and late afternoon becomes evening, becomes night time. The rest of the people from his crew leave once the sun has completely set, heading out to enjoy the start of their weekend.

 

Woojin stays behind a little while, running through the choreography again and again. He needs to do well, since he's the unofficial captain of the team and the senior showcase is soon. It’s not that he’s that much of a perfectionist, really, but dancing runs through his veins and now more than ever, it is solace. 

 

It’s not until an infinite amount of time later that there’s a knock on the door to the practice room. Woojin doesn’t bother — the door is unlocked, and whoever is here has probably forgotten something. Must be Yoojung or Jinyoung.

 

Except, it’s not Yoojung or Jinyoung. It’s none of his crew members at all.

 

“Yo, dancing queen.”

 

Woojin turns and sees Jihoon standing in the doorframe, a paper bag in his hand, a smirk colouring his features, and one eyebrow raised.

 

“Young and sweet, only seventeen?” Woojin counters as he walks over.

 

“Not what I was going for, but okay,” Jihoon says as he pushes himself off the doorframe and walks over, meeting him in the middle. “So, are you going to dance yourself to death or do you want to eat before doing that?”

 

Woojin snorts, but his heart swells with affection. It kind of hurts, to be honest. “Well, I am kind of hungry. But the final showcase is like, in three weeks, and then we’re graduating. The hyungs are even coming over. I want it to be good.”

 

An eye roll. “You are _more_ than good, yeah? You are perfect.” Ouch. Park Jihoon really isn’t good for his heart or rationale. “Don’t worry too much. Come eat, it’s your favourite!”

 

He takes the bag from Jihoon and peeks inside, not knowing what to expect. “Chicken? That’s your favourite though.”

 

“Well, _I_ am your favourite. So, chicken is appropriate.”

 

“I hate you and you suck.”

 

Jihoon’s laugh is genuine and it echoes through the room. “I would fight you if you weren’t all sweaty. Anyway, sit down, let’s eat!”

 

Somewhere, between the banter and the laughter, between sore muscles and eating chicken on the dirty practice room floor, Woojin looks at Jihoon and realises this isn’t so bad. He can live with this, even when his heartbeat tells him he can’t.

 

*

 

His heartbeat was right — he can’t do it.

 

He tries, though. He really does.

 

Maybe it gets a little unbearable, harbouring these secret feelings. Park Woojin is a man of few words and more actions, but he feels like he will really combust if he doesn’t tell someone soon. It’s been long enough, hasn’t it?

 

So why not go to the very root of how this problem started in the first place.

 

Daehwi jolts up in shock when Woojin lets the door fall shut behind him. “Uh… Hello?”

 

“Hey,” Woojin hums, taking Daehwi acknowledging his presence as a sign to make himself comfortable on his bed. “I need to talk to you.”

 

The younger quirks an eyebrow. “Um, okay? What about?”

 

“You trying to set me up with people.”

 

It’s silent for a second then, as if Daehwi is trying to puzzle together what this is about. Then, “Do you—”

 

Woojin shakes his head. “No, no. Absolutely not.”

 

The confusion is evident on Daehwi’s face. Woojin guesses it’s fair considering how vague he is being. But like he’s said before, words really aren’t his forte.

 

That, and the anxious beating of his heart in his chest.

 

“If you don’t want me to set you up, then what is it? I haven’t brought it up to you in like, literal _months_ , so…” He trails off.

 

Woojin takes a deep breath. One, two, three, and then he forces himself to spit it out.

 

“Jihoon and I kissed,” Woojin says. He pauses before he takes another breath, eyeing the younger’s perplexed reaction in the corner of his eye. “A little after the whole first kiss thing you brought up that one day.”

 

He ignores Daehwi’s quiet murmur of “ _Oh, so it did get to you_ ” because he knows if he responds to that he’ll never say what he needs to say.

 

“And now I think I like him. I mean. I think I’ve always liked him, but I guess wanting to kiss your best friend until you’re breathless made that really clear.”

 

That’s really what it’s about, isn’t it? A kiss, simple as that. Over the past few weeks, he’s found himself wondering whether that would be the solution — maybe trying to kiss someone else, _or_ kissing Jihoon again to find out if this is really infatuation or something edging on _more_.

 

He’s not sure if he wants to find out, though. Jihoon is Jihoon, his best friend. Being in love with him doesn’t sound so bad despite the risks it would come with. It is scary, though, and having his own feelings confirmed but unrequited will eventually hurt him. But at the same time, it’s, well — anyone else will never be Jihoon, and the thought of them growing apart through college, each of them going separate ways, albeit unlikely, is even worse.

 

Daehwi gasps, but not in shock. More like… excitement. As if this is something to celebrate. “This is good! This is great! I feel like things were always meant to play out like this!”

 

Woojin stills. "What?"

 

"I'm just saying! I had a feeling you might have kind of liked him. I thought setting you up would stop your pining.  _Or_ ," His eyes meet Woojin's. "Or you'd realise your feelings. Now, that part was unlikely. But here we are. I feel like this was really my  _master plan_."

 

“Your master plan? Daehwi, this will literally ruin us.”

 

Now, it's the younger's turn to fall silent for a small moment. “What do you _mean_?”

 

“What part of _‘_ _I kissed my best friend and realised I’m in fucking love with him and he will never ever like me back so here I am looking like a damn clown'_  are you not getting?”

 

“Where did you get that assumption?”

 

“God,” Woojin groans, lets himself fall back on Daehwi’s empty bed. “He’s… _him_ and I’m me and I’m scared.” He cracks an eye open. “Love is scary, yeah?”

 

Across the room, Daehwi hums, but doesn’t say anything else. Woojin, at the same time, just rolls around the younger’s sheets and wonders why the stars are just not in his favour, ever.

 

“I like…” he groans, pulls at his hair, “don’t have time for this. We’re graduating soon, I have our final dance showcase coming up, and yet here I am, _stressing_ because I might have feelings for my best friend of forever.”

 

All of a sudden, he feels like he’s drowning in a sea of self doubt and worries. As if he'd been swimming, keeping himself afloat, but a sudden wave crashes into him now and he's helpless.  Yet, he still finds himself desperately wishing it is Jihoon who can pull him out and ashore. Safe and warm. Jihoon and Woojin, as it should be.

 

Daehwi tuts at him, giving him a look before picking up his book again. He won’t say it aloud, but Woojin does think he notices a flicker of concern in his eyes. The younger takes a deep breath, nods to himself. “Give it time, Woojin. I think it will be fine. And I’ll be sorry for being the catalyst here if things don’t work out.” He pauses for a minute before a small smirk appears on his lips. “If they do, though, you owe me a lifetime supply of your mom’s cookies.”

 

Woojin kicks at him from where he’s still lying down on Daehwi’s bed, knowing his legs won’t fully reach him. “Asshole,” he says, but a little bit of the weight has been lifted off of his shoulders.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jihoon cannot sleep. It’s not even midnight but he’s exhausted, yet sleep won’t come to him. The last streaks of the setting sun have long since disappeared into the night sky. The clock is ticking, as if mocking Jihoon for how excruciatingly slow time is going. He hears his dog snoring in the hallway. On the road, a car passes.

 

They don’t really have classes anymore. With exams done and over, it’s just waiting and killing time until their graduation. They’ve prepared a lot, this year. A small, final event to commemorate the Good Ol’ High School Days. The dance showcase. Some sort of fair with games for the whole school. Whatever. 

 

The year is almost over and then it’s break and then it’s  _college_ and the rest of their lives ahead of them.

 

It's not like he isn't scared — he _is_ , but he also wants it over and done with.

 

The phone vibrates next to him. Raising his eyebrows, Jihoon rolls over and reaches for it. Jinyoung.

 

**baejin [11:48PM]**

yo

 

**[11:49PM]**

Hey whats up

 

**baejin [11:49PM]**

u were online like two minutes ago which is

idk

weird

u ok?

 

Jihoon hesitates. Jinyoung is surely one of his best friends, but something makes him chew his words. Saying what’s really on his mind would mean that he has to _admit_ this.

 

He sighs.

 

**[11:51PM]**

yea just kinda

ehhhh

BUT im fine :-)

 

The typing bubble appears, and Jihoon just stares at it, praying sleep can take him down right this moment, please.

 

But that obviously doesn’t happen.

 

What happens instead, is this:

 

**baejin [11:53PM]**

ok well

idk how to say this

but daehwi told me what happened with u and woojin hyung

so

 

This is how Jihoon finds himself at the corner of his street, wearing his sweatshirt and a pair of hastily thrown on pants, waiting for Jinyoung. He’s lucky Jinyoung doesn’t live far, he’s even _luckier_ the younger offered to go take a walk with him.

 

“What did Daehwi say?” is how he greets the younger.

 

“Geez,” Jinyoung responds, rolling his eyes. “Is that how you greet your informant?”

 

Jihoon just blinks at him, suddenly feeling exhausted. He’d jab at the younger, but a million things are going through his mind right now.

 

The other boy seems to notice, eyes softening. “He just told me Woojin came to see him, saying you two kissed. Didn’t offer anything else.”

 

Something tells him Jinyoung isn’t telling him the whole truth. He lets it slip.

 

Jihoon’s eyes must have given him away, because Jinyoung hesitates. “Did— Is something the matter?”

 

He finds himself shrugging. “I don’t know. Is it bad I can’t stop thinking about him? I mean, about it. Not him. Just…. Uh… kissing him?”

 

“I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. It’s not, I think?”

 

Jihoon just sighs. The two boys stroll side by side in silence for a moment. There’s a light breeze on their cheeks — the beginning of summer. Jinyoung kicks at a small rock lying on the road and then groans in pain.

 

He vaguely thinks about how much he’ll miss them when he’s off to college.

 

“Are you in love with him, then?” Jinyoung asks after a moment, and Jihoon just sighs in response.

 

“Dunno. There’s a difference between loving and in love, isn’t there?”

 

“Well?”

 

“I like him,” Jihoon finally musters. “I don’t know what that means. But I like him as more than a friend.”

 

“Since you kissed him?”

 

Jihoon shrugs, turns his eyes to sky for a moment as if they’ll give him all the answers.

 

They don’t.

 

“I think… for a long time. But that just made me realise it.”

 

Jinyoung nods, pats him on his shoulder. “So will you tell him?”

 

“No. Never.”

 

*

 

Jihoon barely sleeps that night, thoughts running through his mind like wild waters he cannot navigate through.

 

When he walks to school he’s exhausted, and Jinyoung eyes him with curiosity. Guanlin, sitting next to his friend, opens his mouth to say something. Likely to ask if he’s okay. But Jinyoung beats him to it, just shaking his head at the younger, who snaps his mouth shut and nods.

 

They buy him something from the school cafeteria, though, and shitty watery coffee has never tasted so good.

 

He goes about his day as he usually would, helping the other seniors setting up. He runs into Daehwi once, when the younger has a free period. Jihoon just gives him a weak smile as the other gives him a baffled nod. He must have known Jinyoung came to see him.

 

When it’s time for the dance club’s final showcase, Jihoon goes to see Woojin for a minute. He knows the younger has practiced hard for this. All their hyungs were coming, they’d said, and Woojin desperately wants to show off. Especially since dancing is something so fundamentally _his_ , he wants to do well.

 

So Jihoon puts his feelings and confusion aside for a minute and decides to go and be a best friend like he should.

 

Woojin is pacing in the dressing room when Jihoon enters. He ignores the stuttering in his heart when the younger heaves a relieved sigh at seeing him and gives him a blinding smile as a greeting. “You’re here.”

 

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Of course I am. What do you take me for?”

 

The other boy ignores the remark, shaking his head fondly as he walks over.

 

“You nervous?”

 

“A bit,” Woojin’s expression changes slightly. “I’ll be fine. I just want to do well.”

 

Their eyes meet for a second, and something sparks. Jihoon smiles at him and envelopes him into a hug. “You’ll be great. You’ve worked so hard for this, and it’s going to be an amazing last performance. And next year, you’ll be able to come back here and watch the juniors do the same. Don’t worry too much, yeah?”

 

Woojin buries his face into Jihoon’s neck, holds him tightly for a second. Jihoon regrets not wearing a better shirt when he feels the other’s breath ghosting over his collarbone.

 

He prays that the beating of his heart is only for his own ears.

 

They stay like that for a while, Woojin in Jihoon’s arms as he rubs soothing circles over the younger boy’s back. They’ve done this before — it’s not the first time Woojin is nervous before a performance.

 

And yet.

 

Yet, something feels different. Not necessarily _off_ , but there is something that isn’t like usual. Jihoon briefly wonders if it’s just him, but then Woojin looks up and stares at him wordlessly.

 

“What?” Jihoon asks, surprised at the fact that his voice didn’t crack, that he didn’t stutter.

 

Woojin shrugs, not entirely letting go. “Thank you,” he says, and Jihoon knows that he means it.

 

They fall silent again, but this time, it’s almost as if they’re trying to tell each other stories with their eyes. Jihoon’s breath hitches when Woojin’s eyes flick down to his lips before licking his own.

 

Oh. Wow.

 

What?

 

“Woo—” he starts, and Woojin looks up at him for a brief moment before he’s leaning in.

 

It happens in slow-motion, really. Woojin takes his time, as if giving Jihoon the opportunity to back away if he wanted.

 

But he doesn’t. And he’s scared, so _fucking_ scared, but his eyes still flutter shut on instinct.

 

Jihoon barely feels the ghost of Woojin’s lips on his own before it’s gone again. They both jump apart as the door flies open and Daniel walks in, Seongwoo tagging along behind him. “Hey! We’ve been looking for you!” he says, obviously cheerful to what he’s just interrupted.

 

“Ah,” Woojin says, the shock on his face disappearing like the snow under a blazing sun. He puts on a smile as he greets them. “Well, here I am!”

 

Jihoon just stands there quietly as he feels his heart sink. He doesn’t blame Daniel and Seongwoo — they’re his seniors who he really loves and respects, as well as people Woojin shares one of his biggest passions with. Of course they’re excited for him, of course they want to see him.

 

But he wonders what would have happened if they hadn’t walked in. He wonders what it _meant_.

 

And it feels like a kick in his stomach when Woojin glances over briefly when Seongwoo and Daniel start playfully bickering over something and mumbles a devastating “ _Sorry_ ”.

 

The showcase is amazing.

 

Woojin does everything right, even better. He _shines_. The entire team does. Daniel elbows Jihoon’s side from where he’s sitting next to him. “That was amazing, wasn’t it?”

 

“Yeah,” Jihoon responds, eyes only looking at Woojin, mind clouded with thoughts and doubts and _feelings_.

 

Woojin spots them from the audience, on the middle of the third row, before he bows. He shoots them a blinding smile, and when his eyes meet Jihoon’s, he gives him a small, polite nod.

 

For the first time in forever, Jihoon feels a wall between them, feels distance.

 

In the end, when everyone greets each other for the last time, it almost looks like nothing happened, but Jihoon can feel it, can feel how Woojin tries his hardest not to be alone with Jihoon.

 

Jihoon lets it happen.

 

He waves goodbye to them before he heads home. He doesn’t indicate there’s something wrong.

 

Maybe it’s just him, he thinks.

 

Maybe it isn’t.

 

*

 

It’s quite one evening, days and days and  _days_ later, when the doorbell rings, and Jihoon really doesn’t expect for his mother to call him down and say it’s for him, but it’s what happens nonetheless. When he opens the door of his room, he finds Woojin standing there in the hallway, looking hurt and dejected. Not the Woojin he’s used to knowing.

 

“What’s going on?” Jihoon says, instead of cheerily greeting him like usual. This isn’t _the usual_ at all.

 

But then again, nothing about them has been usual for the past few months, especially the last few weeks.

 

Woojin shrugs. “Had a fight with my mom. Kinda just don’t wanna be at home?”

 

Wordlessly, Jihoon reaches out to the other boy, pulling him inside, into his room, and seating him on the bed. He waits for Woojin to say something, but when he doesn’t, he decides to try to get something out of him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

It’s quiet for a second when Jihoon decides to sit down next to Woojin.

 

Woojin himself isn’t a feelings person, and him and Jihoon rather play and joke around and rely on each other with everything but words. So he does what he thinks is best and puts an arm around him, as he’s done a million times. Except this time, it’s more tentative. The other lets out a long breath and turns around so that he can properly hug Jihoon.

 

It feels nice.

 

His heart races.

 

Jihoon ignores it.

 

“I just. I can’t stand to see her disappointed in me. _I can’t_.”It sounds muffled, with the way his face is buried in Jihoon’s shoulder. “It wasn’t even about anything serious. Just college stuff. God. _Fuck_.”

 

They hadn’t properly seen each other since that little moment at the showcase, around a week ago. Sure, they’d hung out with their other friends present, ignoring their questioning and prying gazes. They’d texted — about graduation, about the showcase, about how Daniel couldn’t shut up about seeing Minhyun again, about everything except for, well, _them._

 

It’s not weird. They’ve had minor fallouts before, sure. They had to feign normalcy more than once, but never like this. It was always about stuff that happened around them, opinions clashing or misunderstandings. It had never been _about them_ , about what they were to each other.

 

Jihoon wouldn’t even describe this as a fallout. Rather, it had felt like Woojin slipping from his grip. Like they’d graduate next to each other next week, hang out a few times during the summer, then never again.

 

But here Woojin is, having barged through his door like he’s done a thousand times, sitting on his bed and looking for silent comfort.

 

“Can I...” Woojin bites his lip, as if he is thinking about whether or not he should say the words. “Stay with you?”

 

When Jihoon doesn’t immediately respond to him, he is about to hurry into a string of apologies, but is quickly shut up when Jihoon just tugs at his hand until he’s on the bed. “Let’s go to sleep,” Jihoon whispers, and he doesn’t hesitate a second to pull Woojin close to him. “Do your parents know you’re here? I mean, I know you argued, but…”

 

The other boy settles into his embrace, far enough away that he can still look at Jihoon but oh so impossibly close at the same time. The room is dark around them, only a street light illuminating Woojin’s eyes. He hums. “They knew I needed some air. I’ll text them to let them know I’ll be here and that we’ll talk tomorrow, is that alright?”

 

Jihoon nods and lets Woojin go as the younger reaches for his phone, typing out a quick text. He listens to Woojin shuffling around but doesn’t say anything.

 

He doesn’t why, but he doesn’t expect the younger to lie back down and immediately find Jihoon’s hands again, doesn’t expect to have Woojin wrap his arms around him.

 

“Jihoon,” he whispers, before sighing.

 

He hadn’t realised he had his eyes pressed closed tightly, _tense_ , but when he opens them again he finds Woojin staring at him with _that_ look in his eyes. “Y-yeah?”

 

“I’m sorry.” It comes out so quiet that he almost misses it.

 

“What for?”

 

Woojin shrugs, and comes even closer to Jihoon with his small movement, as if that was even possible. “I wasn’t avoiding you, I swear. Just. had a lot on my mind.”

 

Jihoon finds himself humming in response. “Oh. Same. Things like what?”

 

“The whole showcase, graduation, moving out and starting over in college,” he pauses for a moment, “You.”

 

“Me?”

 

Woojin hums. “Some things happened, right.”

 

He doesn’t know what to respond to that, didn’t even expect the conversation to steer that way. So he just takes a deep breath. “Right.”

 

“We never really talk about those things,” he says weakly.

 

He’s going to do this, no matter how much it hurts. Never, he’d told Jinyoung last time, but here he is.

 

“Well,” Jihoon mumbles, “maybe we should.”

 

Woojin’s eyes widen, and Jihoon recognises it as some sort of fight or flight instinct. He half-anticipates Woojin untangling himself and just _leaving_ , but instead he creates some distance, sits up in the bed, and looks at Jihoon expectantly.

 

“Why’d you try to kiss me, that day at the showcase?”

 

The younger boy opens his mouth, but Jihoon isn’t done yet. “Why’d you try and not do it and then pull away like…” he sighs, “like some fucking, I don’t even know, scaredy cat?”

 

Woojin remains in his seated position, looking out of the window. He takes a moment to think, and in the meantime Jihoon’s anxieties catch him by the throat and _squeeze_.

 

“Because…”

 

“Because?” Jihoon manages.

 

“It was a moment of weakness, yeah? I just. The stress was getting to me and you were there and you’re just so… so fucking _you_. And I wanted to, but then we didn’t and I realised how much I didn’t think this through beforehand.”

 

Jihoon sits up too, crossing his legs and facing Woojin, who’s still looking at the window sill. Almost as if he’s planning his great escape.

 

“Listen to me, Park Woojin,” Jihoon says, anxious and frustrated and god fucking damn it, Park Woojin is really going to make him do this. The other boy flinches, but finally flicks his eyes toward Jihoon.

 

“When we kissed… My god. It may not have meant anything to you, Woojin, but it did to me. It meant _everything_ to me. And now I can’t stop thinking about kissing you. I can’t stop thinking about… I don’t know,” he pauses, peeking at Woojin in the corner of his vision. “I’m having all of these feelings, I think I’ve always had them.”

 

“I like you, Woojin,” he states when the other boy doesn’t give. “And if my intuition is not betraying me, I would almost like to think you like me too.”

 

“I…” Woojin pauses, sighs, rephrases. “I’ve just been thinking a lot, recently. Like, life and stuff. We’re off to college soon and even though we can still see each other a lot, it’s scary, isn’t it?”

 

It doesn’t answer Jihoon’s question. In fact, it doesn’t even respond to anything he’s just said. But this is Woojin, he realises, and he needs to get this off his chest before he can continue, so Jihoon lets him.

 

“I think… Hmm… I’ve just been wondering, right? What if I become lonely? Like, I have my friends and my family and it’s good but, still."

 

Jihoon manages one thing in return, too afraid to ruin the moment, to ruin them. "Didn't I say you'll always have me?"

 

Across from him, Woojin nods. "Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it? I realised I can never be lonely as long as you’re around. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

 

He thinks he does, yeah. But still. _Still._

 

“So, you, uh…”

 

“Like you?” Woojin finishes, sounding more sure than he has in weeks. Jihoon shivers, but nods regardless. “Yeah, pretty fucking much, I think, actually.”

 

Park Jihoon. 18 years old, tongue tied with a crush on his best friend, who apparently likes him back. “Oh.”

 

“We’re stupid,” Woojin murmurs, a sudden laugh bubbling in his throat. “We’re really really stupid. I like you so much. And you like me.” He reaches out for Jihoon’s hand, laces their fingers together. “Please stop avoiding my gaze because we really just confessed in the most idiotic way possible and now I’m going to proceed to kiss you until we’re both breathless. Is that alright with you?”

 

Jihoon looks up at him, at Woojin’s fond eyes, and doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry. He makes a mental note to kick Daehwi and Jinyoung’s asses for this, later on.

 

But first thing’s first — they have more important things at hand, now.

 

When their lips meet this time, it’s more sure. It’s not covered by excuses, it’s not covered with the intention of _just wanting to get this over with_. It’s not with the hint of fear that someone might walk in on them and ruin it and send them into a wave of awkwardness. No, Jihoon never wants this to be over, wants to drown in Woojin’s whispers and touches.

 

There’s a challenge ahead of them, not just one but many. For them, life is just getting started. Graduation, college, a whole life after that. So many things to worry about, so many uncertainties and insecurities.

 

But with Park Woojin by his side.

 

Just like he’ll be by Woojin’s, no doubt.

 

So, when Woojin gently guides him to lie back down, cradling the back of his head, leaning over Jihoon so he can kiss him again, well, who is he to protest?

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: _"neither of us have kissed anyone before and what the hell may as well just get it out of the way. except hahah ha ha h a now i can’t stop thinking of ur lips why did i think this was a good idea ha ha ahah"_
> 
> i hope i did it justice. this could have been so much better if i hadn't been hit by college workload combined with a small writer's block-edging-on-burnout. oh well, i hope you liked it nonetheless!
> 
> feedback and (constructive) criticism is always welcome and greatly appreciated! ♡  
> i have a [writing account](https://twitter.com/bunssos) where i hang out a lot but feel free to hmu on my [multifandom twt](https://twitter.com/mijoo) or [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/littleheavens) as well! ;-) ♡


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